Happy family greeting each other at Christmas

3 helpful tips for having difficult money conversations over the festive season and beyond

The festive season provides a perfect opportunity for families to meet up and spend time together. 

While you may not feel like discussing money over the holidays, this could be an ideal time – everyone is together, free from everyday pressures such as work and the school run, and feeling relaxed.

However, according to research published in UK Adviser, 57% of high net worth Brits do not feel comfortable talking about money with their families. 

If the thought of discussing financial issues with your family makes you feel awkward, public speaker Simon Sinek has some suggestions that may help. 

Here are four money topics you might like to discuss, along with top tips based on Sinek’s inspirational research to help you start a conversation about money, or indeed any difficult conversation, with your loved ones.

Money topics to discuss with your family

Budgeting strategies

Younger members of the family may be struggling due to the high cost of living. By explaining different budgeting strategies, such as the 50:30:20 method and zero-balance budgeting, you could help them feel more in control of their finances and less stressed.

Estate planning

Being open with your family about their inheritance and your plans for later-life care ensures that everyone has realistic expectations and that your wishes are upheld. And, importantly, this could also reduce the risk of misunderstandings and disagreements.

Managing debt

Whether your children are at university or buying their first home, understanding how to manage debt sensibly is a valuable life skill. By educating them about financial concepts such as interest rates and compounding interest, you could help them make more informed decisions about borrowing money. 

Setting long-term financial goals

Long-term goal setting is an important part of effective financial planning for the whole family. Younger generations might focus on setting up a home or sharing finances with a partner. Meanwhile, older generations may be looking ahead to their retirement. 

Setting clear financial goals and sharing them with your family can help keep everyone motivated to achieve them even when faced with short-term obstacles. 

3 top tips for starting difficult money conversations

1. Lean into the tension you feel and set expectations

The anticipation of having an uncomfortable conversation about money could contribute to feelings of tension and stress. 

Avoiding the conversation may remove this tension in the short term, but the need to address the issue remains. As a result, there’s a strong chance that the tension will probably return.

Instead, consider leaning into the tension and tackling the difficult conversation head on. 

For example, by opening with “I need to have a difficult conversation with you”. This lets you take a breath and prepare for the discussion, while also setting expectations for the family member you’re speaking to, who is then less likely to feel blindsided or defensive.

Letting the other person know you’re feeling awkward about discussing money with them but showing that you’re willing to do so, conveys how important the topic is and how much you value the relationship between you.

2. Ask permission to have the conversation

If you’ve been feeling anxious about raising the subject of money, you might have spent considerable time planning what you’ll say, picking the perfect moment and preparing emotionally for the conversation.

However, the family member you’re talking to will not have had the same opportunity to prepare. So, once you have explained what you’d like to discuss and that it could be a difficult conversation, consider asking permission to continue. You might like to ask, “Can I have this conversation with you now?”

If the other person is not in the right frame of mind to have the conversation, or they have other priorities at that moment, you can agree on a time to talk when you both feel ready to do so. 

This approach can help ensure that you both start a potentially difficult money conversation on an equal footing.  

3. Keep to the topic at hand

Before starting the conversation pick one specific money topic to discuss and try to maintain this focus throughout the conversation. 

Attempting to talk about all the money matters on your mind in one conversation could quickly become overwhelming and confusing for both you and the other person.

If you’re raising an issue you have with another family member’s behaviour – their overspending, for example – bringing up all the other complaints you have about that person is unlikely to move the situation forward.

Here, Sinek suggests using the “FBI” approach:

  • Explain your feelings on the subject
  • Label the behaviour that caused that emotion 
  • Talk about the potential impact if the behaviour doesn’t change.

These tips don’t just apply to family conversations

Sinek’s tips for starting difficult family conversations could also be useful in other contexts. For example, you might want to negotiate a salary increase with your employer when you return to work after the Christmas holiday.

These techniques could help you approach awkward or sensitive discussions with tact and diplomacy, which may help you to achieve the outcome you want.

Get in touch

If you’d like to get a better understanding of your finances before talking to family, please get in touch.

Email info@bmpwealth.com or call +852 3975 2878.

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